


I loved you

by Ellstra



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-05-01 08:04:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5198399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellstra/pseuds/Ellstra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cato has always been in love with Clove, even though he didn't realise it until it was too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I loved you

**Author's Note:**

> An old story I wrote three years ago. It was one of my first stories written in English (if not the very first one) so I was a little sentimental about getting back to it.   
> Cato's POV

I see the redheaded girl running from the mouth of the Cornucopia and grabbing the bag marked with the big 5. She is too fast for me to catch her, even for Clove who is a much better runner than me. That Fox girl has outsmarted us again. Never mind, I’m gonna catch her later. Because the person who appears in my sight now is much more important. Firegirl.

Before I can stop her or even say something, Clove runs towards the Cornucopia and our enemy. There’s no hope for me to reach her before Clove, since running is not one of my strengths. Besides I would just hinder Clove. So I stand up and go a bit nearer to the edge of the forest to see better what happens.

Firegirl is obviously not as bad as I hoped she would be. She manages to deflect Clove’s knife with her bow. This really impresses me because Clove rarely misses her target. I almost scream in pain when I see Firegirl’s arrow hit Clove’s arm - fortunately not her heart - but it’s much closer to it to my liking. I’m almost about to run to help her because in the moments the injury slowed her for, Firegirl got her tiny pack and tries to escape. But then Clove’s knife hits her forehead and I know it’ll be alright. She just didn’t want to kill her so easily and grant her such an easy death by a knife into the heart. In a moment she pins the tiny girl to the ground and lies on her to keep her there.

This is the time when I catch a glimpse of red hair far in the wood. It doesn’t feel right to get so far from Clove but my logic is always ready to fill the blank spaces. If Clove kills Firegirl right now, she’ll be totally unbearable. She’ll be anyway, she always is when she’s succeeded in something, but if I kill Fox, she’d have to admit my worth too. She’d hate that. However, even then she’d have more kills than I do. I’d feel ashamed if I didn’t see just how lethal Clove can be. And if I didn’t love her more than being the best.

I hear Firegirl scream and it takes me some time to realize that the name she cries at the top of her lungs is Loverboy’s. I can see Clove hesitate for a while as if expecting the boy to emerge from the forest in any moment. Always so mistrustful, Clove. I know where I cut him. I’m surprised he lasted this long but I’m quite sure there’s some medicine in the little bag Firegirl is carrying. Loverboy is not going to last long. And he’s certainly not coming to help his girl. I find this satisfying and I decide to run after Fox since Clove’s going to give a good show and have lots of fun and I will be more useful killing Fox. There’s no imminent danger to Clove at the moment, the Gamemakers won’t try anything now and Clove can take care of herself.

I’m pretty far from the Cornucopia now. I hope Clove’s gonna grab the bag pack and then wait somewhere close for me to return. Or maybe she’ll go back to our camping site. I can see Fox before me but I know she knows I’m here. She speeds up and makes some senseless loops as she tries to get rid of me. It begins to annoy and upset me. I’m not one of the most patient people who ever existed. I bit my lower lip and accelerate as well. She endures much more than I thought she would. But I’ll catch her. I’m sure.

“Cato!” Only one word but it stops me. “Cato!”

It’s so full of pain and fear I know something went wrong. Really, really wrong. I leave Fox run away and turn around. Clove is too proud and – well, too self-centred – to even ask somebody for help to say nothing of screaming in despair. She would never scream like this, not when everyone can hear her, if she wasn’t in terrible trouble. She never shows weakness – or any emotions when we’re at it  - and I have to get used to it. My best friend is not telling me how she feels, what she’s scared of, what she wants and I don’t tell her either. I guess it’s not that we don’t trust each other or fear we’d bother the other, because I really know she wouldn’t be annoyed if I told her about what I feel. More likely she’d have no idea what to do with it. We simply can’t speak about ourselves; it’s too strange for us. We’ve been brought up in the air of discipline and extreme competitiveness and I’m not sure we’re able to percept emotions the way other people – normal people – do.

And now she’s screeching my name in pain and suffering and fear. And with a bit of hope she will be saved. Something is wrong with her and I have to fix it.

But I’m too far. I’ve always been too far whenever it mattered.

“Clove!” I shout as I rush towards the Cornucopia as fast as I can. I don´t care about all the branches hitting my face and arms, I ignore all the cuts and scratches. I just run praying I’ll be able to save Clove, my Clove, the only really good thing in my life from the harm she’s about to suffer, whatever it is. She means everything to me. Since I don’t have a family – not a one that would matter anyway, she’s everything to me. My best friend, my family, my better part, somebody who makes me stay both feet firmly on the ground.

All my nightmares come true when I finally see the plain surrounding the Cornucopia. How could I be so stupid? I forgot Thresh being here at all. It almost seems like Fox running away from the Cornucopia was bait set to distract me. But wasn’t it? Maybe they’re all in a loose alliance, determined to let whoever from the outer Districts win. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“Clove!” I hear myself screaming her name in a strained voice. I can’t recognize it, it’s not me. And yet it is me. It’s me from the nightmares that have plagued me since the Reaping. In this instant my whole world shrinks into the pool of blood spreading under Clove’s head. Clove’s beautiful, noble head. Nothing matters but Clove’s terrified expression. I fall on my knees beside her and gently reach for the untouched side of her face. She feels exactly the same as she always had. But she’s terrified.

She’s unable to move, otherwise she would at least sit up or crawl. She manages to smile at me but it’s a smile full of pain. But what scares me much more is the submission and reconciliation with death I see in her eyes. I grip her hand in mine as if to send her some of my stamina. But she grows more and more limp and breathing comes difficult to her.

“Cato, I’m so sorry,” she whispers and it wears her. She blinks a few times and her eyelids seem heavier with each flutter. A single tear escapes her eye. “So sorry…” she murmurs and this time her eyes don’t open.

“Shh, don’t speak.” I tell her. My brain has never worked this hard to come up with a solution to something. But no matter how hard I try, I realise there’s no other way out of this. There might be something that could be done to save her but it’s definitely not here in the arena. “Clove, look at me. Wake up. Look at me.”

She obeys and her dark eyes are wide and bright. I’ve never noticed they were this huge.

“It’s all my fault. I’m so sorry, Clove. I should have been here with you. I should have never let you go anywhere without me. I’m so sorry.” I say to her. “Just stay with me. Please. Just try. Stay with me!” I cry.

There’s a slight smile on her face.

“Oh, Cato, don’t blame yourself. We both know it’s not our fault, just bad circumstances. We never had enough luck, did we?" she whispers so quietly I almost can’t hear her. I try to ignore the big purple-coloured bruise on her head but it’s impossible. I know she doesn’t have much time left, I realise she’s going to die, but I can’t admit it. It would shatter me. I just touch her face.

“Stay with me, Clove. I know you can. Just stay with me. I’ll do whatever you want. Just stay with me please!” Now I really cry and I shake her hand as if I can chase something. “I will never disappoint you again.”

“Cato…” her breath catches in her throat and tears run out of her eyes. “I love you.”

I just sit here frozen with shock. Why didn’t she tell me sooner?  _Because it wasn´t necessary_. But I know now it is.

She’s dying.

„I love you, too," I whisper and the sad smile on her face makes my heart break. Her smile is sad but somehow happy at the same time. Her eyes get glassy, unable to see and I feel her heart stop just seconds before the cannon.

I just sit there by her side and enjoy the bliss of denial for a couple of moments. And she’s here, graceful as ever but she looks so small and fragile. I got used to thinking of her as invincible, indestructible and more than a human but she was just a little girl. We all are little children in the Games after all.

I totally lose myself in that moment. I let my head fall on her chest and I bawl. I know it’s my voice but it feels so detached I can’t feel connected to it. I embrace Clove’s dead body and let my tears soak into her shirt. I hold her like a baby, holding her head because she’s not able to hold it alone.

“You’re ok now. You’re fine. Nothing can hurt you. I’m here with you. I always will. I love you.” I repeat this again and again as if it could bring her back to me. But I know she’s gone. She’s gone for good and I’m losing my mind.

She’s lost and despite what she said, I think it’s my fault and there’s nothing I can do to change it. I hold her after the tears ran dry while I’m just kneeling embracing her tightly and trying to stop the pain.

I see a hovercraft above me and suddenly I know that if I leave Clove, they’ll take her body away and I will never see her again. I hold her firmly, scared by the thought of losing her. I don’t want her to disappear. I don’t want to lose her forever so that she’d be just a memory, a phantom of a girl I used to love. I don’t sleep when the night falls. The hovercraft is still above me like a big scary bird waiting for me to move. I pull Clove’s body closer to mine and almost manage ignore the cold. I will never let them get her. Never.

I glimpse something and shortly after that there’s pain in my left shoulder. It doesn’t hurt much but staying awake seems as impossible as deciding not to breathe. I take a look at my shoulder just before I drift off. I see a tiny dart, looking almost innocent and far too elegant for this arena. There’s never been room for something beautiful here. The dart is from the outside but I black out before I manage to puzzle out why it means.

When I wake up, I know something is wrong. My head aches and I feel like after a whole night of drinking alcohol. But this is not the bad thing here. The bad thing is that I’m alone. I haven’t been alone since we left Capitol. I raise my head and I see that the hovercraft has disappeared. Of course. They have stolen her from me. Even dead, she can’t belong to me.

I stand up with anger. I clutch the sword and run towards the plain where I know I’ll find Thresh. Now it’s the time for revenge. And for finally getting this stupid Games over with. I’ll kill Firegirl nice and slow and make Loverboy watch before I kill him too. That’s the only reason to stay sane now. To make myself worth the pride Clove had of me.

I run towards Thresh not because he has that stupid backpack. Whatever is in it, it’s not the thing I desperately need. I desperately need Clove and even they can’t bring her back to me now. For the first time I realize I had everything I needed before the Feast. Now I have nothing but my craving for revenge. I run towards Thresh willing to kill him. When I deal with him, sniffing out the two lovebirds from twelve will be easy. I’ll be a victor and my story will end there. There will be nothing more of me but a broken shadow of a boy who used to love without noticing it. But I have to win.

For you, Clove.

I loved you.

 


End file.
